wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
