i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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