goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
