careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
