Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
