I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
