i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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