I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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