i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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