it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
