whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
They have beer where we have blood.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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