Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
