Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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