Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
