She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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