I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
