You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Vodka?
Forever.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
