i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
