Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize