Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
