Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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