my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
