haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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