Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
