first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
