I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Randomize
