Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I need a burrito and a hug.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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