Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
