Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
