There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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