Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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