Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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