my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
