Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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