can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
