Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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