dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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