dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
