she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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