He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
