He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
