Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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