Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
