Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
