If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
