I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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