We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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