im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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