Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
