How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
